When we talk about gender and emotions, one pattern stands out almost everywhere:
men struggle to open up.
Not because they don’t feel deeply, not because they don’t care — but because they were conditioned to stay silent.
This Men’s Day, let’s unpack the psychology behind this silence. Understanding why men don’t open up is the first step to supporting them better.
1. They Grow Up With Emotional Rules
From childhood, many boys hear phrases like:
- “Don’t cry.”
- “Be strong.”
- “Man up.”
- “Stop being sensitive.”
These early messages shape emotional behaviour for life.
Psychologists call this emotional conditioning.
Boys learn that:
- sadness is weakness
- fear is unacceptable
- vulnerability is shameful
So they start suppressing emotions instead of expressing them.
2. Emotional Suppression Becomes a Habit
When boys repeatedly hide emotions, their brain gets trained to shut down feelings.
This often leads to something called alexithymia — difficulty identifying or describing emotions.
This is why many men:
- say “I’m fine” even when they’re not
- stay silent when overwhelmed
- show anger instead of sadness
- avoid emotional conversations
It’s not a lack of emotion —
it’s a lack of emotional vocabulary.
3. Society Expects Them to Be the “Strong One”
Even today, men are expected to:
- be providers
- handle stress alone
- stay calm in every situation
- never show weakness
- fix problems quickly
This creates performance pressure that affects their mental health.
Many men believe:
- “If I talk about my struggles, I will disappoint others.”
- “I should be able to handle this alone.”
- “My problems are not worth sharing.”
So they stay quiet, even when they’re hurting.
4. The Fear of Judgment Is Real
Men worry that being vulnerable will lead to:
- being mocked
- being seen as weak
- being misunderstood
- losing respect
This fear is so deep that many avoid opening up even to:
- partners
- close friends
- family
- therapists
The psychological cost?
Emotional isolation.
5. Men Express Emotions Differently
Women generally use emotional language for bonding.
Men often use actions instead of words.
A man may show he’s stressed by:
- working more
- withdrawing
- getting irritable
- staying silent
- focusing on tasks
These behaviours are not avoidance —
they’re coping mechanisms.
6. Many Don’t Know Where to Begin
When a man has spent years hiding emotions, talking about them feels unfamiliar and scary.
Thoughts like:
- “What if I can’t explain it properly?”
- “What if I cry?”
- “What if I lose control?”
stop them from opening up.
It feels safer to stay silent.
7. Past Experiences Shape Their Behaviour
Some men opened up before and:
- were ignored
- were shamed
- were told to stop overreacting
- received no support
That one experience is enough to close the emotional door for years.
Psychology calls this emotional invalidation, and it can completely change how a person shares their feelings.
What Can We Do?
1. Make them feel safe, not judged.
A calm, patient environment encourages openness.
2. Ask gentle, specific questions.
Instead of “What’s wrong?” try “How was your day mentally?”
3. Don’t rush them.
Men open up slowly because they’ve been taught not to.
4. Appreciate vulnerability.
A simple “Thank you for sharing that” goes a long way.
5. Encourage mental health support.
Therapy isn’t weakness — it’s clarity.
Final Message for Men’s Day
Men feel deeply.
Men hurt quietly.
Men love strongly.
Men break silently.
This Men’s Day, let’s remind every man that opening up isn’t weakness —
it’s courage, healing, and humanity.